Giving a Toast: A How to for Millennias
As we wedding videographer, I watch a lot of toasts. And I watch them more than once. I have seen some great toasts, some pretty good toasts and some train wrecks. Not everyone can have a silver tongue or be gifted with the pen, but if your bestie gets married, there is a good chance you will be called upon to get up and say some words about your friend and their new life mate. Having seen a lot, I have a few tips for the soon to be center of attention.
There you are, asked by your best friend to be their Maid of Honor or Best Man. That comes with a lot of responsibility. There are parties to organize, a wedding party to wrangle, families to make plans with, and a speech to write. And to be clear, there are really two parts, a speech and a toast. The toast, or the part where you give your well wishes to the couple and ask the guests to raise their glasses. That is like a blessing you are giving and so many times people forget to do it because they don't know how. But let's get to that at the end, for now, the speech.
To be funny or not to be funny? This is a tough choice. But the answer is rather simple. Ask yourself, do I usually tell jokes? If I do, do people laugh? Are jokes easy for me? If you answered no, then don't do jokes. Not to say you can't borrow a joke for an ice breaker, but let's be honest here. You are not giving a TED talk where people care about you. They are here for the couple... and the alcohol. And the longer you talk, the less they get to talk to the couple and pound back the drinks. It's ok to try a joke or two, but if it is not natural for you, then don't force it. Drop it, and move on.
Start with the truth. A rule of improv is to start with the truth. Story tellers often say it is easy to start with the truth, or with what you know. So why not do what the great writers do and write what you know about your friend. Now, remember, you don't have all night. Find a story that shares with everyone else what that person means to you, and share that story.
Bring in the Spouse. You are giving a toast at the wedding, so you better know something about your friend's spouse. Try and bring them into the story. It doesn't have to be long. Short and sweet is the best.
End with a toast. After you tell your story, and say something nice about both of them, then end with a toast. Ask everyone to raise their glasses, and give one of those "To the happy couple, may you have a long and happy life together." It can be as simple as that. If you can't think of what to say than use Google and find a toast.
The Delivery. How you give your speech is almost as important as what you say. And a lot of this depends on your skills at public speaking. Some people who can talk to high-powered CEOs in a board room have a hard time with a personal speech. You know what you comfort level is by this point in your life. You have given presentations in class, this is the same thing except there is no grade, but you have been drinking for a couple of hours.
What you should do is write is down! Even if you are like me and can largely wing it, writing it down helps organize your thoughts. When it comes time to give the speech, you may need to read it word for word or just use it as notes. Maybe you can run from cue cards, or you can memorize the whole thing. Your style will determine this. What I will advise you not to do is to read it off your phone. Watching someone read a speech at a wedding from an iPhone has no class. The couple took time to make centerpieces and print out invites and programs, you can take 5 seconds to print out your speech. Also, fun fact about paper, it doesn't have a battery that will die on you.
Practice. Maybe it's my performing background, but practice your speech! I start workshopping a toast months in advance. What sounds good outloud? How long does it take to say something? Then I write them down and have my wife look at them. And then I practice in front of her. I treat this like a presentation because this is a once in a life time speech that I am giving for my good friends in front of their families. The last thing I want to do is look the fool.
Read the room. There is nothing worse that losing the room. You may think that because it is a wedding, everyone will have eyes on you, but come on man, open bar. I don't see this happen often, but when it does, it is bad. A best man once lost his speech so he decided to read the letter he sent to the priest about the couple. This took almost 10 minutes. At the 5 minute mark, you could hear that people were starting to talk and no longer paying attention. Don't let this happen to you. If the crowd is getting restless, no one is listening to you anymore. Skip to the end and tie a nice bow on it.
Advice for the couple. I have been at an in weddings that have had several toasts. I give caution to this. You don't want to let everyone talk. Yes, it's nice to hear form all your besties, but do some of that at the rehersal, or at the bar. Keep the main speakers to a small number. Especially with reception halls having you on a tight time schedule, you don't to waste 40 minutes of your party just hearing people talk. And when you do have multiple people giving a toast, think about who among them is the best public speaker. Have that person be the last one to talk. You want to end with your best performance. If you have a snoozer in the middle, ending with a strong speaker gets the crowd back into it.
Above all else that I have said here, make sure you have fun!
There you are, asked by your best friend to be their Maid of Honor or Best Man. That comes with a lot of responsibility. There are parties to organize, a wedding party to wrangle, families to make plans with, and a speech to write. And to be clear, there are really two parts, a speech and a toast. The toast, or the part where you give your well wishes to the couple and ask the guests to raise their glasses. That is like a blessing you are giving and so many times people forget to do it because they don't know how. But let's get to that at the end, for now, the speech.
To be funny or not to be funny? This is a tough choice. But the answer is rather simple. Ask yourself, do I usually tell jokes? If I do, do people laugh? Are jokes easy for me? If you answered no, then don't do jokes. Not to say you can't borrow a joke for an ice breaker, but let's be honest here. You are not giving a TED talk where people care about you. They are here for the couple... and the alcohol. And the longer you talk, the less they get to talk to the couple and pound back the drinks. It's ok to try a joke or two, but if it is not natural for you, then don't force it. Drop it, and move on.
Start with the truth. A rule of improv is to start with the truth. Story tellers often say it is easy to start with the truth, or with what you know. So why not do what the great writers do and write what you know about your friend. Now, remember, you don't have all night. Find a story that shares with everyone else what that person means to you, and share that story.
Bring in the Spouse. You are giving a toast at the wedding, so you better know something about your friend's spouse. Try and bring them into the story. It doesn't have to be long. Short and sweet is the best.
End with a toast. After you tell your story, and say something nice about both of them, then end with a toast. Ask everyone to raise their glasses, and give one of those "To the happy couple, may you have a long and happy life together." It can be as simple as that. If you can't think of what to say than use Google and find a toast.
The Delivery. How you give your speech is almost as important as what you say. And a lot of this depends on your skills at public speaking. Some people who can talk to high-powered CEOs in a board room have a hard time with a personal speech. You know what you comfort level is by this point in your life. You have given presentations in class, this is the same thing except there is no grade, but you have been drinking for a couple of hours.
What you should do is write is down! Even if you are like me and can largely wing it, writing it down helps organize your thoughts. When it comes time to give the speech, you may need to read it word for word or just use it as notes. Maybe you can run from cue cards, or you can memorize the whole thing. Your style will determine this. What I will advise you not to do is to read it off your phone. Watching someone read a speech at a wedding from an iPhone has no class. The couple took time to make centerpieces and print out invites and programs, you can take 5 seconds to print out your speech. Also, fun fact about paper, it doesn't have a battery that will die on you.
Practice. Maybe it's my performing background, but practice your speech! I start workshopping a toast months in advance. What sounds good outloud? How long does it take to say something? Then I write them down and have my wife look at them. And then I practice in front of her. I treat this like a presentation because this is a once in a life time speech that I am giving for my good friends in front of their families. The last thing I want to do is look the fool.
Read the room. There is nothing worse that losing the room. You may think that because it is a wedding, everyone will have eyes on you, but come on man, open bar. I don't see this happen often, but when it does, it is bad. A best man once lost his speech so he decided to read the letter he sent to the priest about the couple. This took almost 10 minutes. At the 5 minute mark, you could hear that people were starting to talk and no longer paying attention. Don't let this happen to you. If the crowd is getting restless, no one is listening to you anymore. Skip to the end and tie a nice bow on it.
Advice for the couple. I have been at an in weddings that have had several toasts. I give caution to this. You don't want to let everyone talk. Yes, it's nice to hear form all your besties, but do some of that at the rehersal, or at the bar. Keep the main speakers to a small number. Especially with reception halls having you on a tight time schedule, you don't to waste 40 minutes of your party just hearing people talk. And when you do have multiple people giving a toast, think about who among them is the best public speaker. Have that person be the last one to talk. You want to end with your best performance. If you have a snoozer in the middle, ending with a strong speaker gets the crowd back into it.
Above all else that I have said here, make sure you have fun!
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